doppelganger

past, present and future

2004-10-20T03:34:00.000+08:00

got this from surver friendster [one of those things that you just can't avoid]. i love that way it's presented to so i decided to post it here.

PAST... PRESENT... and FUTURE

10 Years Ago...
1. i was in grade 5
2. i participated in an interschool choric interpretation [the bells, by edgar allan poe]
3. i joined in the math-olympics and interschool science fair.
4. i was a little chubby

5 Years Ago..
1. i was a senior in high school
2. i selected advance biology as my elective class
3. i was a member of the high school glee club
4. i was out of control

3 Years Ago, I...
1. was a college sophomore
2. started a habit [smoking]
3. participated in a class play
4. was happy

A Year Ago, I...
1. was a college senior
2. started to experience quarterlife crisis
3. screwed up my life real bad!!
4. decided that i'm better of stoic

This Year I...
1. found a job
2. met new friends
3. started to hate indians
4. realized that there's no point crying over spilled milk

Yesterday, I...
1. felt like i had PMS
2. had to go to work really early
3. got my 1st QA score for the week
4. ate kwek-kwek and chicken balls along paseo de roxas

Today, I...
1. feel tired
2. want to go home
3. don't want to take any more calls
4. want to die!!!

Tomorrow I will...
1. go to work, AGAIN!!
2. have hot white chocolate at starbucks
3. try my best to update my blog
4. try my best to enjoy life

how soon is now

2004-10-04T23:41:00.000+08:00

i was on my way to work when two fagstags sat at the empty seat behind me. i wasn't quite sure as to what they were talking about but a certain part of their conversation caught my attention. one of them was actually asking the other the chorus part of "how soon is now," a song originally performed by The Smith's, then covered by Love Spit Love for "the craft - OST" then by t.A.t.U. to ruin the lives of people who actually love the song. first time i heard it was when WB used it as the opening theme song for Charmed and fell i totally fell in love with it. if you try to read between the lines, you find out that there's more to it than just a catchy tune.

How Soon Is Now
by Love Spit Love

I am the son
and I'm the hier
of a shyness
that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
of nothing inparticular

you shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does

I am the son
and I'm the hier
of a shyness
that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and hier
of nothing inparticular

you shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does

there's a club if you'd like to go
you could meet someone who really loves you
so you go and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home and you cry and you want to die

when you say it's gonna happen now
when exactly do you mean?
see i've already waited too long
and all my hope is gone

no adult companion, no fair!!!

2004-10-01T03:02:00.000+08:00

it's 3 o' clock in the morning and i'm two hours away from going home. i haven't had any decent sleep for the past couple of days and today is no exception. after work, i have to go to ateneo to accompany my 6 year old nephew to his 1st school fair. and rule for prep students: NO ADULT COMPANION, NO FAIR!! my sister couldn't make it because she's up against a deadline and my parents will be out of town. His dad has to work as well which leaves tito ardee as the most obvious choice!! It's been a while since i've been to a fair and more often than not, they are generally fun. i'm not quite sure though as to how it will go if you're tagging along a 6 year old kid. makes me feel like kate hudson in raising helen [watched the movie.. wasn't all that bad].

anyway, i'm actually 8 days away from turning 21 [yes, i'm officially moving one tick box up when filling out forms]. what i hate about it is i'm actually turning into one of those into-his-early-twenties people. not that it's bad but i find it unacceptable!! [no pun intended] can't i just say that i'm just 19 years old ... [pause] and 24 months old? wouldn't that be politically correct anyway?

san miguel will be holding OCTOBERFEST's opening tonight at meralco ave and i can't go becuase of my work schedule. as tempted as i am to call in, i really don't want to because it could really affect my schedule adherance and i don't want to be in the bottom part of the list again next time the company holds a shift bid. i was lucky enough that nobody wanted the shift that i bade for, otherwise, i would have gotten a shift which had days off on a weekday.

i think i've written just about enough, i've been typing for over an hour now [at the same time, taking calls.. by the way, my conversion for today's not bad.. at least i was able to end the month with a good conversion rate]. It's time to log-off now and head home. i'll try to take a nap when i get home so i won't feel so tired when go to the fair. i'll just keep you posted if something comes up..

my latest LSS

2004-09-29T01:46:00.000+08:00

i don't why but i can't get this song out of my head.. why do i have a feeling that it has something to do with the fact that i'm turning 21 in a week and a half and haven't found what i really wanted?! it's not that i haven't been in love, ever. i just find it weird, or better yet, SCARY that i'm growing old without someone to share what i've been through the past 21 years of my life. and it sucks to realize after being stoic for two whole years that i'm a hopeless romantic after all...

IF I BELIEVE
patti austin

If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I must be there
I'd swear I must be there right now with you
If I believed in miracles
I'd know that one was happening to me
But if I don't believe in paradise
Then miracles aren't real
Then someone tell me what is this I feel

I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I can't deny
if I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there

If I believed in magic spells
It all would be so clear
'Cause magic spells must have brought you here
If I could see the future
I'd see if you and I were meant to be
But I dont know any magic
And tomorrow's just a dream
But something in this fantasy is real

I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
I wanna believe it's love this time
I wanna believe my heart's not telling me a lie
But with you I cant deny
If I believed in paradise
I'd swear I'm there

I'm there
I'm there
If I believed.

black cats, broken mirrors and walking under ladders

2004-08-13T20:16:00.000+08:00

happy friday the 13th

earth below

sky beneath

bear the weight

of light and heat

it's a good thing i work graveyard - i just slept the whole friday the 13th away. the thing is, it may be four hours before the end of the so-called "cursed" day but my bad luck is just starting to kick in.

on my way to work, i just lighted a ciggie when some guy coming out of nowhere bumped me and knocked off the very last stick that i have. you have no idea how much i wanted to kill him!! and i don't really know what it is about today that i get ticked off easily. blaring horns from buses in edsa make me want to scream and girls gibberring oh-so-loudly and giggling like no one else is around makes me want to choke them till they run out of air to gasp!! arrrggghhh >.<

all i can do now is salvage whats left of the day.. that is - if it's still "salvageable" [is there even such a word?! i REALLY couldn't care any less..]..

the artist and the freak

2004-08-11T05:15:00.000+08:00

no one really appreciated anything that Vincent Van Gogh painted during his lifetime. people would even refer to his work as both morbid and grotesque and people would condemn him for using a palette of colors that are uncommon for what the norms can regard as "art." Now that he's gone, reproductions of his work can be bought for a minimum of $500 to as much as $5,000 An original Van Gogh was auctioned at Sotheby's April of last year with an estimated price ranging from $45,000 - 65,000. now HE IS AN ARTIST!!

part of being an artist is what we call "freedom of expression." how one expresses himself/herself proves that he/she is worthy of the title. well the thing is, in written forms of art called "literature", there are certain people who tend to over do it when using symbols and figures of speech that they tend to be an @ss and not care about the people who could be offended by the words that they use and the way that they put things into perspective. and recently, i just came across the worst kind of literary $hi+.

i was bothered by a bulletin board message that was posted on friendster last sunday. it was regarding someone who claims that he's my friend's ex-boyfriend and that he shot her point blank for cheating on him. he has a blog account called "confessions of a dangerous mind" and he entered a so-called "confession" last 10 march 2004 and this is what how he started his fallacious claim.

"everything was said and done. there's nothing more

to explain. it came so fast that i never saw her leaving me

at a wink of an eye. six years, it all ended in an instant.

it's all over.i dedicate these songs to my first girlfiend,

my high school sweetheart... - - - - -*..."

[*girl's name was mentioned]

two days later, he wrote a follow-up "confession" :

here's some kickass break-up songs for that freak

whom i killed last march 10, 2004.

may she rest in peace... and rest in pieces...

(with that fucking fiance...damn! i wonder if it would

be purgatory or hell) now, if that fucking fiance of my first girlfriend

would have the balls to respond to this one, he must take a eat some

words first (or soap, like john cena having paul heyman

lick,bite, and swallow those ivory bars after a

wrestling match). burn in hell, dude!

and it ended with:

--[girls complete name]--

3 january 1983-10 march 2004

PACEM IN REQUIESCAT

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

there's really no point into arguing about the intents of the freak who wrote all these b*ll$hit but the thing is, a lot of people were bothered by the imagery that the author is trying to project. no one has any idea as to what wants to prove or if there even is something that he needs to prove. he may have meant all of these in a figurative way that never really got to the reader's creative perception. if this was some kind of joke, no one's really laughing about it.

in a way, i know where the writer pulled it out from. probably has to do with suppressed emotions that triggers certain visuals that would prove to be artistic if not put in a blunt way. there was a need to create fictitious characters and the lack thereof was what ruined him. now, with reactions formed and emotions flooded. there's really no way as to bring back that which has been done. retractions were demanded but there never was any for he probably claims that this is his reality.

now, he's not appreciated in his own time and i don't think he never will be and that's what turned his artistry into monstrocity...

about chel

2004-08-03T01:45:00.000+08:00

chel, whom i call hag, and who also goes by the name flaming peach is my one and only hag (aside from karen, that is). we met through a mutual friend (karen) 2 years ago. i never knew that we'd be this close...because what brought us together originally was our love for the show 'charmed.' now chel knows me more than i know myself... and god, she, is much of a whore than i am (rolling on the floor laughing!!!). chel and i could talk for hours over coffee or bottles of San Miguel Strong Ice and never run out of things to talk, diss, or laugh about. chel and i have this weird intution thing between us and we've proven on more than one occasion that we could read each other's minds. we both like older men, and as far as i know, we've never lied to each other. as mentioned before, she knows more stuff about me than most people i know (including myself) and vice versa. chel is my hag, and i am her fag. =p

the quest for ardee's holy grail ...from chel

2004-08-03T01:43:00.000+08:00

just thought it would be nice to have this as the first entry.. thanks hag!! love yah!!

What if, suddenly and without meaning to, your life fell into place, like a 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle set in the likeness of Davinci's Mona Lisa put together after laboring on it for weeks and weeks. What then? Would you savor the accomplishment by having it framed, with a gold-plated border and hang it where people could admire the it all the time so you can brag that you did it without any kind of help in only a matter of weeks. Or would you disassemble it again piece by piece losing interest in it then just chucking the pieces back into the box where it would just become some child's plaything where it would get discarded too as soon as the child loses his taste for it.Someone confided in me that he'd just found his inner peace after losing it and searching for it years and years ago. I was happy for him, truly I was. I've never so much envied him as he said that after being lost for the past couple of years, there he was, suddenly at peace with himself and to those that surrounded him. While I, holding no less than a college degree to my belt with some minor accomplishments on the side, still feels as if I'm not making any headway at all in the grand design of my so-called life. After battling emotional demons, getting heavily scarred from it in the process, my friend has sought and found calm. He is at peace. He is tranquil. Or so he thought. His was the voice of reason. Not one people could count to him for advices, words of wisdom, and a listening ear. He would not offer half-baked advices, he would just listen and to those people who needs it the most, people who had so much to say but no one to say it to, that was enough. Even I had been guilty of foisting my trivial, sometimes not-so-trivial concerns, and he had been there. Always. Like clockwork. There were days when I would not hear from him for days, weeks even, but he'd call whenever I need him the most (usually Sundays). But I'd forgotten that even those who listen needs to be listened to sometimes. He is human after all. And human wants and needs for his survival. Even if there was nothing to want anymore, because as I've said to him, sometimes it's the chase we want. And if we do get what we wanted, what do we do with it? Is it the same thing that we wanted in the first place? Should we have it framed, for the entire world to see or should we keep it in a box, tie it with a red ribbon and shove it under the bed? It's a vicious circle, isn't it? We want what we cannot have and when we do acquire it, we long to be what we were before we got what we thought we wanted (I'm sooo confused right now). One can easily wish that he need not grow up, get older and die ultimately or not fall in love and get hurt but if, on some strange circumstance his wish be granted, where should he go then? We were designed to be forever discontented. As a child, we long to eat gloopy Hershey's bar and peanuts M&M's from morning til night until our teeth and stomach would ache we would ask our parents for a glass of warm milk or a plate of peanut butter sandwiches. It would go on and on until we get older, us, wanting to live our lives the way we wanted to. Wanting immortality by clinging to our material, emotional, and erotic wants. But suppose we earn all the money there is to earn in the world, fallen in and out of love, and fucked our lives away, what do we do then? Should we voluntary wish for death to come and take us away from all the superficialities that we thought we once wanted? What? What then?